In our first fifteen years of life we dated, were engaged, married, had children, and bought a home. I mean we went all the way, but along the way, I was not who I seemed to be. I was making terrible choices with irreparable consequences.
I knew growing up, I wanted to be a good mom. I read books to prepare myself and continued to read a lot of books because I wanted to be the best mom! I wanted to do better than my mom. I think we all strive to be better than our parents. But in my pursuit to be the "best mom", I failed to consider the one who made me a mom. I was driven by my emotions, selfish, and I was an awful drunk. I lived in my head way too much and didn't communicate well at all. I was very good at detaching from stressful situations. Just pretend everything's ok.
I came from a broken home and had a very vague idea of what a wife's role was, other than what I saw on TV (thank you, Mrs. Brady and Donna Reed). My mom was mom and dad. My grandparents were my only example of a committed marriage but I didn't appreciate that until way later in life. I was winging this wife thing and was doing a terrible job.
When we bought our home in 2005 I saw it as a fresh start in my life. But God wanted better for me and my family. Not just a "fresh" start but a changed life. That came at a huge cost. He wasn't going to leave me unchanged. He wanted more from me. Repentance.
One day in April 2006, my whole past caught up with me, and the fake life I had been building came crumbling down. My life was a sham. But God had a plan to change all that.
Tomorrow, on my 15th salvation birthday, I will share a post about how Jesus changed my life and my family's life for all eternity ❤
Comments
Post a Comment